I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
birth control should be required to get into college
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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