he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
