Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
