Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
