Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
