I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
