He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
