Ketchup is God's man juice
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
