If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
