I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
