My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
