my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
