it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
