i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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