I hate your face
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
