I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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