I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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