I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
