You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
