At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
