I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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