I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
