Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
