It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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