Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
