Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
