Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
