forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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