i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
