1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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