apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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