Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
