I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is Oprah even human
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
