The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
