i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
