The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
