I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
