Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
