Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
