Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
