Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
