Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
