didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
