Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
