TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
