Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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