Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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