There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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