New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
