i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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