My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
