i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And then my night got REAL pukey
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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