but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
