how can u be prego again
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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