someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
