Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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