You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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