when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
