I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
